Posts by Diane :
- Mental Wellness
- Personal Development
- Physical Wellness
- Professional Development
- Relationship Building
- Self-improvement & Personal Growth
We covered the “what’s stopping you” question in the last post and hopefully you’ve gained at the least a fraction of self-awareness about your next step forward. If you haven’t then may I strongly suggest you stop reading this and re-read that article. Make it applicable to you, not – “I think this would be good for so and so:)”
As much as this message is for you, it’s for me too! It’s time to lay aside all the jargon below that hasn’t been working for you and me –
- When I have this (name that thing), I will do this (name that thing)
- When I get out of debt I will save more or do this (name that thing)
- I can’t because of this
- I am too old
- I am not tech savvy
- I don’t know how
- I don’t have time
Here are two things to practice so you can “get out of jail” – for good! This process works because it helps me and clients I serve to win the battle of fat loss, to improve self-esteem and elevate confidence, to get out of the rut of complaining comparing into a place of clarity and a deeper sense of freedom and awareness.
- The people who have what you want were once where you are, until they made the decision to change (read that statement again)
- Every time you delay executing what will transform your life, you reinforce your defense and weaken your offense
Let’s break it down –
- The people who have what you want were once where you are, until they made the decision to change
Pick anyone you know, want to be like, admire, is your mentor, influencer etc. They were not born that way. They worked through life’s hard knocks, struggles, setbacks, challenges and whatever else and today they’re where you want to be. PS – Though it may not be visible to you, those individuals continue to make progress, because they keep at it – to be their better best self and so can you!
This sounds so kindergarten and repetitive doesn’t it? You and I have heard it at least a hundred times before, but this is what they did, and keep doing. God, the Universe, whatever spiritual deity you believe in, will continue to bring certain messages to your consciousness until you make the decision with your heart and BEGIN the work. Why? Because there’s more for you to live, give, BE – and it’s time to stop limiting yourself.
- Change -attitude/mindset
- Process – Implementing a plan
- Action – Executing the plan
- Focus – On their WHY
Rinse and repeat
2.Every time you delay executing you reinforce your defense and weaken your offense
In Sports You
Position yourself to stop the other team from scoring – Defense
Position yourself to score – Offense
In Life You
Stop yourself from scoring! using your thoughts and words to defend your lack, smothered in gravy (excuses) and blaming others (past hurt or failures) – Defense
Freeing yourself to score! using your thoughts, words and action to develop, grow, improve and be fulfilled – Offense
The ONLY way to get clear on these two factors is to get to know yourself by cultivating a strong sense of SELF-AWARENESS.
Get that and you will notice a massive up swing in your personal and professional life. If you’re interested in learning how, access the Download Self Awareness Worksheet and like the title of this article says I think you should go for it.
this question “what’s stopping me?” and should you choose NOT to be honest with yourself, then don’t expect others to be, because they’re going to feed you the same tale you’ve been feeding yourself. It’s like eating the same awful meal day in, day out and you do so with a forced smile, because you want to win over the cook.
We wish our lives were different like having
A better job
A healthier financial portfolio
A happier life
A healthier body
A better attitude
A richer relationship
And then we bleeping stop there…crickets!
We rinse and repeat living in a state of denial, and feeling unfulfilled. The only place it’s real is in our imagination, and yet somewhere deep in our gut, we not only KNOW we CAN, but feel we have the ABILITY to make it so.
We want results…we can taste it. However to get what you want requires CHANGE. And Jack Dixon quote nails it.
“If you focus on results you’ll never change. If you focus on change you’ll get results”
Want to compare lists of some of the “What’s stopping me”? The mountain between you and the change that sits in your soul, reaches to get your attention because you’re capable of being more _ _ _ _ _ _
- Bullshitting ourselves into a false sense of entitlement- well, I’ve paid my dues but life is so unfair
- A complaining and comparing mindset
- Limiting self belief
- Low self confidence
- Lack of discipline and focus
Notice nothing was mentioned about the external influence of what our five senses are exposed to everyday? Because as much as your answer lies within you, the roadblocks are also internal.
The reality is, we are out of excuses…sorry, there’s nothing left.
Sit with that for a minute! You can get to where you want to be, and that is no bullshit. However you have to decide it’s time to do something about it.
and the outcome will enable you to hit the target or miss the mark.
Last week checked I into a hotel to participate in a Diversity Summit, dropped off my suitcase and headed downstairs to join my peers. One of gals asked ” did you get a nice room? Yes, it’s really nice. “How about the view?” Not great, looks down into the parking lot.
After the meeting she helped carry my laptop and projector back to my room, pulled back the curtain and this was the view…the full view. You see it wasn’t just a parking lot view. In my case I was looking down and missed the beauty of what was right in plain sight…the skyline, water, boats and mountains, if only I’d taken a moment to lift my focus.
And this happens to us, our growth or decline occurs because we’re either self-observe, too tired, stressed, or a number of other internal or external factors that contribute to our lack of growth or reaching a personal or professional goal.
What do you find yourself focusing on? and is it leaning towards growth or decline?
My life lesson is this – sometimes we miss the solution, light, essence, energy or turning point because we’re either looking
- In the wrong place
- With blurred vision
- With judgment of self or others
One of my favorite quotes is “what you feed grows”, and likewise where we look/focus will result in enabling growth of fruitful seeds or unfruitful weeds. When we focus only on the stuff that creates or fuel a sense of discouragement and defeat, the outcome will have a doom and gloom effect. Yes, we have to work hard at choosing to focus on what will enable and empower us…none of us wants to lead a disabled and disempowered life.
We’ve been there and the pull to revisit does come up for me, but reminders of the state I prefer to be in enables me to make the choice to center my focus on the way I want to feel, what I want to achieve and ultimately become.
Let me encourage you today –
When you find yourself feeling disconnected, discouraged, or depressed maybe it’s time to revisit what you’re focusing on and change the direction of your gaze.
A question to help retrace your focus – “is my focus helping me grow and feel good about myself?” Maybe adding it as a alarm on your cell or sticky note to your fridge or bathroom mirror might help you focus on what you truly desire to see grow and become better at.
Let’s cultivate the habit of removing of seeing with limited vision, and train ourselves instead to focus on the internal state of where you’d like to be.
Aging isn’t a Curse it’s an Asset, and it’s time to break out of that cycle of thinking. Our barrier is how we think about aging!
Madeleine Albright is the first woman to have become the United States Secretary of State. She served from 1997 to 2001 under President Bill Clinton.
The best part about her story is this – she never found her “voice” until the vibrant age of 55. IMPRESSIVE!
The truth is we tend to use our age or view ourselves as “too old” to change careers, pursue a passion, or learn something new or follow our heart. We invest years of our lives into “being there for others”. They’ve moved on and we’ve found another excuse as to why we can’t and remain in an unhappy cycle of unfulfilled goals and unlived desires.
I always wanted to run a 10K but I can’t…I’m too old. You may not be able to run as fast as you did 25 years ago, but you CAN still run.
I can’t go back to school, I don’t want to be the oldest person in the class – only you know your age and really does anyone care? It’s actually inspiring to know NOTHING…not even our age will slow us down or stop us.
Accomplishments are tangible experiences within our power to live.
You’re never too old and it’s time you stop buying into that old beaten down lie. Trust me, the minute you stop listening and believing that lie it’s the very minute the door of expansion and energy shows up.
Opportunities show up and we miss them because we’re viewing our lives through blurred lenses and limited mindset
How about you?
What’s that ONE thing you’ve always wanted to do but has never done because you’ve used your age as an excuse?
- I’m too old to…???
- I’m too old to change careers and compete with the tech savvy generation
- I’m getting ready to retire and…how lovely!
We are fortunate to be alive to celebrate another opportunity and we groan with the burden of ageism ?
Here’s how to break down the barrier and get out of your way. Use this simple exercise to get started.
Write it down ( the one thing you’ve used your age as an excuse to NOT do)
- How true is that?
- How do you feel believing that?
- How different would you feel from taking action?
- What’s that ONE thing you can start now to break that lie cycle?
How about it? So back to Madeleine…at the age of 55 she found her voice and today at 81 she continues to blaze the trail and make a valuable contribution and difference in our world. And, she’s not going to stop. Whatever your age bracket you can start investing your life into finding your voice, your creativity, confidence…and like many Madeleines’ you won’t want to stop.
Our Wednesday word is REJECTION
It’s bitter sweet. Bitter when we get it and sweet when we give it, or so it seems. When we’re on the receiving end of rejection we usually react before responding because of either shock, or disappointment.
When we’re dishing it, given the type of rejection – a breakup or job loss it’s usually preplanned. Don’t buy into the lies that someone just “woke up” and decided they’re out of love with you, or your position is no longer needed. It was preplanned!
Rejection is part of the human experience
Rejection is unavoidable, it can help remind you of your values, establish new ones, re-evaluate the ones you have and trash old ones. Rejection can also pave new paths to lead you towards something or someone better. Or it can be devastating especially when we’re convinced we “have the job or promotion”, or “feel really happy and secure in a relationship.
During the period of grieving the loss of being rejected the thought of “this could actually be a good thing” will never be entertained and why should it? And how absurd for my friend or partner to utter those words? They obviously don’t care about me.
Rejection is about someone saying NO to you, it’s being DENIED
We get it from our partner, no! What? “But I thought…?” No. We hear it from business partners, those we’d like to collaborate with, and we give it. Being denied something or someone you want and or feel you deserved. No two ways about it – it sucks to be rejected.
The first time I got rejected by a prospect I was hoping to gain as as client I was devastated. Yes, because I felt I was present and asked the right questions and come on who in their right mind won’t want to work with me?☺ However from the perspective of the individual they were seeking something else and selected another coach.
If I carried that around my practice today would be nonexistent. I will never be everything to everyone neither will you and that means we’re going to be rejected. Whew! That’s a relief.
There are various degrees of rejection – some are like paper cuts and some cut to the bone or heart.
The quickest way to overcome rejection is to admit you’ve been rejected, talk about how you feel and depending on the severity and impact on your day to day life you might consider getting professional help. That’s called HEALING or GETTING OVER IT! The worst thing you can do it to internalize it and relive the rejection over and over again, as is the case of http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5678909/Dragons-Den-rejection-burns-BrewDog-despite-1-8billlion-success.html Yes, we can move on externally but we still drag around the sting of rejection like our childhood blanket or toy.
Rejection is meant to build and not demise or dismiss you
What would become of Oprah and J.K Rowling if they let rejection win? Oprah was told “she was unfit for television news” and the message J.K Rowling heard at least a dozen times was “get a day job”.
Rejection: Shines light on your values and beliefs – in essence it forces you to check in internally and confirm what you really want and who you really are. If you just want to “fit in” or “be like so and so”. Do you really want to hang out with a crowd or be friends with those who bully and constantly gossip about others at school or work? Do you want to be in a relationship and build a life with someone who trashes you despite their esthetic appeal? If you can permit yourself to see it, rejection could be a gift in disguise to guide you to follow or create your own path and be true to you.
It builds tenacity – The denials, decline, and turned backs, does not DENY what you believe you are capable of and who you are. You dig your heels in despite the sting and keep moving ahead. There isn’t only one door to the career you want. There isn’t one person designed only for you to be with. There isn’t only one way. You figure it out, you feel it, you deal, you find your way.
Do you think the outcome of our setback would be better if we’re to accept that everyone faces them and they’re unavoidable? I think our attitude would shift to – how can I align myself to make a COMEBACK and achieve a better OUTCOME?
And that my friend is the opportunity we have right now change the way we look at setbacks moving forward.
We can face the music and dance or stand there and do nothing – the music still plays
We face them like it or not those unpredictable blindside, unexpected moments. Sometimes they’re painful, the hurt runs deep, sometimes they’re due to the choices we make like – being unfaithful, breaking our exercise or nutrition plan. They can knock us off our feet or throw us off balance. Regardless a setback disrupts our flow.
We don’t cause them but we are 100% responsible in how we handle it internal and external.
Whatever setback you’re in at this moment, you can have a better outcome. It may be something you’re powerless to change externally, however internally you can begin to do something about your thoughts that impacts your actions. That shift alone can help you manage your stress and improve your attitude and gain a better outlook.
Improve means to be better and do better. I use this word often because it’s what causes growth and success in life. What are you doing to improve your life? and talking about it doesn’t count.
Technology is where it’s at today because individuals are working on making things better like e sight https://www.esighteyewear.com/
I’m thankful for influencers and creators who have improve lives and those joining the ranks to make a difference. So back to my question – What are you ACTIVELY doing to improve your life? You want to be a better human being right? You want to be better at how you perform in your career? You want to be better at communicating with others right? You want to be a better partner, spouse, person right? Then tell me how is that progressing?
Are you taking a course, working with a coach, reading a book, listening to podcast, or anything else to improve you in that area? You see my friend, to become better and successful you must align yourself with those who are actively engaged in the practice of improving themselves. Want to get better at a skill – invest time and money to improve and please stop with the lame excuse of “I’m too old” BS.
I challenge you to pick one thing – 1, make a plan and execute starting from NOW it could be internal or external or both – at the least you can begin researching your options and that doesn’t cost a cent. Ready? I’m working on one right now – Podcasting. Tell me yours.