Disappointment can be like a tea bag if it sits too long in water, it eventually tastes bitter – dianed
Let’s face it being disappointed sucks, and sitting in it for extended periods of time is just as bad. The dictionary definition of disappointment as – “the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations by a person, event or thing.”
There are some disappointments I personally don’t like to recall, because the pain associated with it either saddens or angers me. I used to wallow in disappointments for a long time, and like a high powered vacuum it would drain the energy from me. I’d mope about it, talk about it, carry it around, think about it so much that the initial scratch would evolve into a deep sore infecting my mind and mood.
The disappointment cycle:
- We feel disappointed by others
- We disappoint others
- We disappoint ourselves
Whether the disappointment is self inflicted or not, we feel something, and that’s because we’re human have a conscience. We can’t protect ourselves from it, but we can learn how to deal with it better, so it doesn’t linger around like a bad smell that disrupts our lives.
Feel it, learn from it, and move on. I’ve accepted that truth, however I no longer buy into the extended periods of nursing disappointments, because it just screws up mental state and affect the flow of my day.
What disappointments have taught me:
- It can fester if not quickly dealt, and can negatively affect my attitude
- The impact is deeper when my expectancy of that thing (job, contract, exam) was very certain, or in someone I care about and trust.
- It can be intentional – the excuses, the last minute no show accompanied by lame excuses, the pretense, the lies and lacking genuine effort and regret.
- It can be unintentional – it’s clearly out of character and shows clear signs of not being deliberate with genuine remorse, accompanied by follow up “make it up to you” behaviour.
- Like all the other feelings I experience, they come and they go, then they come and go as the cycle of life goes on.
- Disappointments are unpreventable, and regardless of how much preventative measures I put in place to guard my heart, disappointment is going to show up.
- HOW I react or respond to disappointment indicates WHAT type of outcome I’ll have, favourable or unfavourable.
Steps to help avoid disappointment deflation:
- Take Action – Get it out, express your feelings, rant, swear…do whatever, but don’t keep it inside it will do more harm than good.
- Talk about it– depending on what happened, you may be able to have a conversation with the person to let them know how you felt and ask WHY. Keeping in mind, this may not happen, and the answer may not ease how you feel. However, the mere fact you are being pro-active, is a step forward in getting over the disappointment.
- Tame it – the mind that is…dwelling on disappointments can grow and affect your mood and attitude. Answering the following questions is one way to help to reduce the impact.
- What’s the worst thing that has happened aside from this negative feeling?
- Have I disappointed someone in this way?
- Was my trust betrayed and can it be restored?
- What lesson can I learn?
- What can you do differently next time to possibly avoid a repeat?
- How would I liked to be treated if I was the disappointer?
These tips gives us a much way to deal with disappointments, one that will be better for our wellbeing. By putting these steps into practice, it becomes easier to address and let go of the feeling and go on with our day.
What’s your story in dealing with disappointments? leave your thoughts below.
To BEing your better self