The need for change bulldozed a road down the centre of my mind
Part 1 of “It’s a Yes”
In the past week how many times have you said yes? You didn’t really give it much thought, but said yes, because:
- You don’t want to disappoint others
- Your manager or boss requested something
- Your kids, spouse, intimate friend asked
- You are a people pleaser
- You don’t know how to say no
- You think saying yes will win you friends and influence others
- You’ll be noticed for that promotion
- Saying yes is easier than saying no…
And whatever other reasons comes to mind.
After reading Shonda Rhimes book “Year of yes”, I made the decision to address this subject because I saw areas in my own life where I wasn’t saying yes, and the tell tale signs were showing. I believe we’re so conditioned to saying yes, which in itself isn’t a bad thing. However, if the majority of your yes is about fulfilling the needs of others, or busy getting things done and leaving yourself or what matters to you with a fat NO, then you need to address it. Why? Well, it can become a hazard to your health…seriously.
Now before we go any further, to get the most out of this post and the next two, please do me a huge favor and answer the questions below and save it. Each post will contain a few questions and by the end of the third post you’ll discover answers useful to help you with the following
- Understand why you say yes more to others and no to yourself
- Identify the areas you should start saying yes to, and
- how to make the shift.
Let’s get to an excerpt from Shonda’s book “Year of Yes” The premise of the book is about Shonda Rhimes the creator of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, and How to get away with Murder was confronted by her sister with these words that opened up her pandora box and started her “Yes should feel like the sun experience that literally transformed her life. It all started
Chapter 2 Maybe – “You never say yes to anything (herself)” The grenade lies dormant for several weeks. It rolls around in my brain, the safety clip firmly in place. I say no to myself because it’s scary and the prospect of saying yes was terrifying to me. I’m busy creating three shows and caring for my three beautiful daughter. I say yes, I’m happy…ish, my life is normal.
I used to be a really happy person. A vibrant person. I may have been shy and introverted, but I had a rowdy fun crowd of friends. Shonda adventurous-and-always-up-for-anything. Shonda, where did she go?
Whatever that spark is that makes each one of us alive and unique…mine had gone. Stolen like the paintings on the wall. The flickering flame responsible for lighting me up from the inside, making me glow, keeping me warm…my candle had been blown out. I was shut down, I was tired. I was afraid. Small, Quiet.
The lives of my characters have become unimaginably huge. People all over the world knew Meredith and Olivia. At the same time my life had so drained of color and excitement I could barely see it.”
In the past week or a few days:
- How many times have you said yes that was all about helping someone else?
- How many times have you said yes that was all about helping yourself?
- How many times have you said no to others?
- How many times have you said NO to yourself?
After you jot down your answers, you might notice emotions, trigger or feelings surfacing…it will happen, don’t brush it off, make note of it, it’s part of the process that awareness brings, which opens the window of enlightenment that makes room for freedom you want and need.
To you BEing your better best self!