- Mental Wellness
- Personal Development
- Physical Wellness
- Professional Development
- Relationship Building
- Self-improvement & Personal Growth
- You might be at the height of your career, but not fulfilled
- Your intimate relationship is lacking passion and excitement
- Your physical wellbeing is being neglected
- Negativity and self doubt is dominating your thoughts
- Experience fulfillment while advancing in your career and helping others
- Rediscover intense intimacy and passion in your relationship
- Achieve more energy, feel healthier and better about your wellbeing
- Improve your mental state to serve you instead of stealing from you
BLOOM! Who doesn’t like flowers? I mean come on what’s not to like about flowers…fragrant, colourful and beautiful. Aside from the obvious, flowers brightens a dull room and ever watch the expression when a bouquet of flowers are presented? Yes, the effect brightens our day and conveys a message between the sender and receiver…just because…I love you…thank you…I’m sorry…please forgive me.
Like the message says…when a flower isn’t blooming, you don’t pull the flower out of the soil. No, you fix the environment…less sun, more sun…pull out the weeds…less water…more water. Through a process of elimination you figure out what’s causing the lack of bloom and with those tweaks the flower adjust and does what it’s supposed to do – BLOOM.
So, what area of your life needs some TLC to bloom? The usual areas that need constant investment/TLC are the ones we sometimes take for granted, like…
Our relationship with our significant other – we assume he/she understands why I’m spending less time with them
With ourselves – I’m too busy or don’t have time to (fill in your missing piece)
Our finances – I’ll budget later
Career change/improvement – The job market is dismal or I’m not in the league of the millennials
Here’s what I discovered when those areas aren’t blooming and I come up with a bunch of lukewarm reasons – it’s about fear. Fear of facing the state of my finances which tells me I’ve been lacking discipline. Fear that I won’t like what I hear when I communicate with my spouse. Fear I’ll fail again at reaching my fitness goal and what others will think, and fear to step into making the changes in my career because…what ifs?
Fear is the enemy that keeps us from blooming, and in many cases the fear is only our perception gone cra cra. Maybe those four areas all need some TLC, don’t let that overwhelm and discourage you. Here are three easy steps to make the change from gloom to bloom:
Step one: Pick the most important area and answer
Step two: What can I do differently this week to make this area bloom? (change, cultivate, care)
Step three: Execute, then the following week, adjust if necessary and repeat. By doing the best you can each day, you’ll be on your way to seeing noticeable changes in the areas that really matters to you.
Have a comment or question? Drop me a line I’d love to hear from you.
is to keep it real, because real is beautiful and fake is ugly.
I could stop there and you would probably get it, and hopefully thrive to keep it real in your life.
I’m the first to say keeping it real is work, but so worth it. I used to be really ugly because I faked it, and no the saying “fake it till you make it” isn’t applicable here. I felt I had to fake it because I was afraid…fear of losing friends, fear of being judged, fear of being alone, fear of being left out, and everything else that squeezes us into a box so we keep our mask on to fit in, be loved, accepted, and whatever else we need.
It takes more work to fake it, and noticeable changes in our behaviour, attitude and mindset gets infected and the ugliness starts seeping out.
Over time I’ve moved forward in keeping it real, and in the process experienced freedom and beauty…and then I asked myself…why didn’t I do this sooner? Typical right?
Think about something or someone you admire or enjoy – what is it about that thing or person that you really like or admire? It’s them being real, it’s gravitating to nature in it’s natural state…that’s beauty.
Anything worthy of something good, meaningful and right usually takes work, it takes effort, it takes figuring out your WHY. Yes, it does…once you can answer why, you’ve discovered the reason and the doing part is easier.
Ways we can keep it real:
In expressing how we feel – we don’t need to agree with the opinion of others to fit in.
In asking for help – we’re not expected to get it right and be in control all the time…impossible.
In telling the truth – we feel better, lifted, lighter when we do, and though there might be some sting, or pain involved…over time it pays dividends.
In being yourself – you will attract what you put out, and I know we sincerely all want to attract people into our lives who are as real.
Are you looking to make an impression? Then keep it real, don’t pretend, don’t fake it, that makes you ugly…keep it real, trust me on this…
Because real my friend is beautiful!
I habitually drink a glass of water first thing in the morning, then coffee. Why? Because when I consume coffee on an empty stomach, I get a nasty heartburn. However, with a glass of water I’m heartburn free. It works for me so that’s a habit I practice on a daily basis.
Which brings me to the past three posts on “It’s a Yes”. In order for me to say yes to myself, to what I think is best for me, I have to say no to something or someone. That’s how it works.
I have a great deal of respect for people who say “can I have x amount of time to think about this and get back to you” and responds with a firm yes or no. I find it’s a great way to established and build trust.
Hearing or saying no isn’t final – it just means no at this moment. Not forever. And, that’s how you have to approach saying no in order to say yes to yourself. In order for you to show up, be and do your best you will HAVE to say yes to you sometimes.
I said yes to running a half marathon this November, and as a result I had to say yes to training and no to drinking less and eating less desserts. That yes, is beneficial beyond a check mark off my bucket list – mentally I’m finding it a great way to clear my head, think and challenge myself. Physically, I’m getting stronger, running longer and losing body fat.
Saying yes to yourself is a habit worth cultivating. You recharge, relax, reenergize, refocus and remind yourself of your values, importance and why. This is especially important IF you frequently say no and deny yourself more often than you should.
I really hope you caught how this practice can help improve your life. With that said, as promise here’s an opportunity if you choose to say yes:) you can walk away with a hard copy of Shonda Rhimes “Year of Yes”.
Here’s how it works I’d like to hear your story – Send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org answering the following two questions.
- What area in your life has been denied yes?
- What did you get out of reading the past three articles on this topic?
The first 50 responses will be entered in a draw, and two of you will receive a hard copy of the book.
To deny yourself anything that will improve your life, is to deny yourself permission to be yourself.
– Diane Dutchin
If you’ve read this far it tells me you’re ready for a breakthrough week. Pick one area in your life, and say yes to yourself. What does it look like? No is silenced, excuses shut down, the volume on self-defeating thoughts turned down. And yes is embraced and served. It doesn’t have to be loud or big, but meaningful to you.
Again, I’d really love to hear your story so either leave a comment below or send me an email.
Part II of “It’s a Yes” post.
Can there be any truth to this statement – Saying yes can be causing a disruption to the flow in your life? As I read through “Year of yes” I started to think there might be something here worth taking a closer look at, and my two obvious source of disruptions were.
- Cell phone – It rings, a text or email comes in and I check it
- Social Media – periodic check throughout the day for updates which often leads to reading an article, researching a story, etc.
Though these two simple acts are considered part of our daily life, it can become not only a distraction but a disruption to the flow of saying yes to what really matters. Adding up the amount of time actually spent in those activities was so appalling, because the total amount of hours combined on my cell and social media was less than what I was investing in my relationship with my spouse per day, and that was enough to do something about it.
And this is what I’m doing
- Check specific times during the week, twice on Saturday, off on Sunday…except to post my article.
You see as much as I enjoy being up to speed, in the loop and engaged, what really matters to me has to take first place, and when that’s off I have to make adjustments. Yes, to everything and everyone is signing up for a life that can be constantly interrupted and fragmented.
Let’s get to another excerpt from Shonda Rhimes book “Year of Yes –
Chapter 4 – Yes to the Sun
“I thought saying YES would feel good. I thought it would feel freeing. Like Julie Andrews spinning around on that big mountaintop at the beginning of the Sound of Music. Like how you feel when you just finished baking double-fudge brownies but you have yet to shove one in your mouth. This YES does not feel like a post-baked pre-eaten brownie.
I feel forced into this, I feel like I don’t have a choice. My obligations to my network, plus my obligations to my stupid Year of yes idea has trapped me. This is not what YES is supposed to feel like. YES should feel like the sun.
I said yes to something that terrified me. (Appearing on Jimmy Kimmel show). And then I did it and I didn’t die. There’s a crack in the pantry door. A sliver of light coming in. I can feel a bit of warm sun on my face. YES does feel like the sun.”
Which leads me to a few questions for this post:
- What is it that really matters to you?
- Is your yes lining up as you’d like?
- Is your work life better or worse from saying yes?
- Is your home life better or worse from saying yes?
You see, sometimes saying yes will be terrifying but if it matters to you, take a deep breath and step into it. And you’ll experience a sense the courage to make your life…well, step into it and find out.
Remember to add the set of questions above to last week’s post http://want-know-can-count-can-get-done and make your YES this week an empowering one.
The need for change bulldozed a road down the centre of my mind
Part 1 of “It’s a Yes”
In the past week how many times have you said yes? You didn’t really give it much thought, but said yes, because:
- You don’t want to disappoint others
- Your manager or boss requested something
- Your kids, spouse, intimate friend asked
- You are a people pleaser
- You don’t know how to say no
- You think saying yes will win you friends and influence others
- You’ll be noticed for that promotion
- Saying yes is easier than saying no…
And whatever other reasons comes to mind.
After reading Shonda Rhimes book “Year of yes”, I made the decision to address this subject because I saw areas in my own life where I wasn’t saying yes, and the tell tale signs were showing. I believe we’re so conditioned to saying yes, which in itself isn’t a bad thing. However, if the majority of your yes is about fulfilling the needs of others, or busy getting things done and leaving yourself or what matters to you with a fat NO, then you need to address it. Why? Well, it can become a hazard to your health…seriously.
Now before we go any further, to get the most out of this post and the next two, please do me a huge favor and answer the questions below and save it. Each post will contain a few questions and by the end of the third post you’ll discover answers useful to help you with the following
- Understand why you say yes more to others and no to yourself
- Identify the areas you should start saying yes to, and
- how to make the shift.
Let’s get to an excerpt from Shonda’s book “Year of Yes” The premise of the book is about Shonda Rhimes the creator of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, and How to get away with Murder was confronted by her sister with these words that opened up her pandora box and started her “Yes should feel like the sun experience that literally transformed her life. It all started
Chapter 2 Maybe – “You never say yes to anything (herself)” The grenade lies dormant for several weeks. It rolls around in my brain, the safety clip firmly in place. I say no to myself because it’s scary and the prospect of saying yes was terrifying to me. I’m busy creating three shows and caring for my three beautiful daughter. I say yes, I’m happy…ish, my life is normal.
I used to be a really happy person. A vibrant person. I may have been shy and introverted, but I had a rowdy fun crowd of friends. Shonda adventurous-and-always-up-for-anything. Shonda, where did she go?
Whatever that spark is that makes each one of us alive and unique…mine had gone. Stolen like the paintings on the wall. The flickering flame responsible for lighting me up from the inside, making me glow, keeping me warm…my candle had been blown out. I was shut down, I was tired. I was afraid. Small, Quiet.
The lives of my characters have become unimaginably huge. People all over the world knew Meredith and Olivia. At the same time my life had so drained of color and excitement I could barely see it.”
In the past week or a few days:
- How many times have you said yes that was all about helping someone else?
- How many times have you said yes that was all about helping yourself?
- How many times have you said no to others?
- How many times have you said NO to yourself?
After you jot down your answers, you might notice emotions, trigger or feelings surfacing…it will happen, don’t brush it off, make note of it, it’s part of the process that awareness brings, which opens the window of enlightenment that makes room for freedom you want and need.
To you BEing your better best self!