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- Self-improvement & Personal Growth
You know you have the skills to excel but you lack the confidence to step into it? You have the support and encouragement from friends or family but yet you struggle. You step into a room full of people with the sound of talking and laughter yet you felt alone?
If you ever felt that way, still feel that way or occasionally do, I know what its like. I know the energy it takes to put on a brave face and struggle to fit in, and the frustration you feel. And listening to the voice in my head didn’t help either.
Listen, my decision to improve my self-confidence took place because I didn’t like the person I was. Your reason might be different, and that’s OK…whatever your WHY is sufficient to do something to better it.
When I discovered things could not just be different, but better, that realization started my transformation. It was powerful! I learned to accept what worked for me, and likewise learned to reject what wasn’t.
It wasn’t easy, the process of change didn’t happen overnight, however it was worth it, because along the way I found out I was worth it.
Here are the different stages that transition me into building a healthier image of the person I love. From lack to plenty in confidence. OK, let’s get to it.
Awareness – I started seeing a counselor by accident…yeah, that’s what I thought then, now I know it was a life line extended to me. When I heard what my first assignment was I laughed out loud…are you kidding me? No, I wasn’t going to look myself in the mirror and say “I’m beautiful”.
My reaction revealed the PAIN and the exercise presented had the SOLUTION.
Decision – After my initial outburst of laughter I sat in silence waiting for her to move on say something, but silence filled the air…it was extremely uncomfortable.
Aside from thinking this was a foolish idea, what else did I have to lose? I was about to find out how this simple, yet powerful exercise would be the key to my transformation. So, I decided to take action.
Action – I had to act and when I did change was the result. I certainly didn’t leave my first session all fired up and excited to get a hold of a mirror. My first contact with my bathroom mirror had the same reaction I had when I was first presented with this assignment. LOL! And I walked away.
Eventually, the first attempt was mumbled, followed by a nervous chuckle. Why? Because no part of me saw any truth in those words.
The first time I said the words “I am beautiful” with acceptance and conviction, I wept. I can still feel the emotions attached to that moment.
Why the tears? Realization of the WHY I struggled to say those words, the freedom and release I felt when I did.
Change – i I wanted to change this area of my life, because I didn’t like how I felt, and once I got into the routine of practicing that exercise, clarity became my friend, motivation and strength my support system.
I noticed my outward behavior was a reflection of what I thought about myself. I started to pay attention to things about me that I liked, qualities inside me, like being loyal to friends and family, honesty, and that extended into appreciating external attributes about myself I liked, and something beautiful started to occur.
The DAILY awareness, the decision, the action and change was transforming my confidence, I was learning to know me, love me, and be me
It all started with one simple yet powerful exercise, when acted on, became the solution I needed “I’m beautiful”.
Today, I still use that exercise and tools to improve my life and work with clients to inspire them to do the same.
Listen, whatever area you find yourself lacking confidence in, like me, you too can discover the solution that will transition your success.
Why should you improve your confidence? Because doing so will help you be better _ _ _(fill in the blank) and better benefits you.
What’s your self-confidence story? What area are you lacking confidence in?
And as always to your continual success.
Self-confidence is to believe in one’s ability to accomplish something and it comes when action is taken. The great news is confidence can be developed. After figuring out where you’d like to build or improve confidence, the next step is to figure what action is required of you.
Listen, despite what we may have read or heard, no one person is confident in EVERY area of life. There’s going to be area/s that’s not as strong as you’d like. It could be in public speaking, asking someone out on a date, going to the gym, pursing a career, socializing in large groups, excelling at a sport…whatever it is, most of us can pin point some area that needs developing.
However, the important piece to get here is this – it is attainable.
Never mind what area your best friend is building their confidence in, unless it’s the identical area you can IDENTIFY with stay focus on your personal development.
I grew up with an undeveloped self-confidence and didn’t realized what my problem was until I was in my late teens. My counselor gave me one homework that laid the foundation to developing my confidence.
* that story I’ll share in my next post and you’ll find out how I recognize my lack, my reaction, what I did, what it did for me, and how you can start to apply the same discipline to work for you too.
Self-confidence is like a muscle, it’s strengthened with use. Like a sport or skill, you get better at it with practice.
Here are some steps I apply in my life and with clients to help develop or raise the level of confidence to get results.
Pick one area to work on:
You won’t notice the change and get the results you need if you’re working on multiple areas. Your energy and focus will be too divided.
Write out the areas you’d like to build your confidence in, then pick the one you that concerns you the most.
Decide what you want the outcome to look like:
– you want to feel better about yourself
– you want to have the courage to?
– you want to prove to yourself and others you have what it takes to?
Create an action plan
– How am I going to do this? Internal and external work
– Start with your thoughts first, this is called reconditioning of the mind.
* You will notice a more positive progress when your thoughts are addressed FIRST.
Execute the plan:
– What’s next? It’s time to act!
– Follow through on what you’ve internally envisioned to this point.
*Again, confidence comes when action is taken. You have to make the EFFORT and MOVE. The internal work is more important at this stage than the external. Why? Because if your mind isn’t reconditioned the outward act will lack the conviction and strength, the results will be minimal and discouragement will set in to jepordize the process.
Evaluate your progress:
This is where the Before & After speaks.
Here’s one of my personal example.
My before – lack of confidence showed in my appearance”. I felt like the ugly duckling a lot and it showed up in a number of ways like how I presented myself, lack of eye contact, etc.
My After – my confidence builder started with thinking better thoughts about myself (internal), and as I began to noticed how this made me feel, I began to take better care of my appearance (external), and working at making eye contact etc.
Make the commitment to your self-development, start applying these steps and you will begin to notice your confidence rising.
Drop me a line and share your story on confidence with me.
To your health and enjoyment!