Two things that stifles growth in relationships and how to turn it around


Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love

Brene’ Brown

Like most, I aspire daily to grow and become a better human being, and nurture my relationship with my spouse, family, friends, and service to my clients and community. To be better I have to keep investing in my personal growth, and sometimes it’s not easy, sometimes I fail miserably and then there are times I excel and soar. Throughout every highs and lows, ups and downs, stormy and rainbow days I learn and grow, and for me, that’s the key to supporting my growth.

I’ve come to really appreciate the beauty of SELF AWARENESS, it truly is the light bulb moment that can make a difference in one’s life.

That awareness revealed two things that stifles my growth and affects my personal and professional relationships. I’m talking about self-depreciation and self-neglect that floats around in our subconscious that fuels and influences how we behave in our personal and professional relationships.

Self-Depreciation – the act of reprimanding oneself by belittling, undervaluing, or disparaging oneself, or being excessively modest. It can be used in humor and tension release

Self-Neglect – any failure of an adult to take care of himself or herself that causes, or is reasonably likely to cause within a short period of time, serious physical, mental or emotional harm or substantial damage to or loss of assets

“When you accept yourself, the whole world accepts you”

Lao Tzu

Let’s take a look at how self depreciation and neglect can show up in our lives and stifle growth in our relationships.

  • We take the back seat in bringing our thoughts and ideas to the table, because of our gender or not in a leadership position
  • We don’t think our opinion matter
  • When we’re complimented about our abilities and performance we brush it aside
  • We feel intimidated because we devalue ourselves
  • We internalize and take things personally
  • We think the worst without any proven facts
  • We stifle our feeling and fail to express them
  • We don’t ask for what we need

As a result, our level of trust is in jeopardy, communicating with our partner/spouse is a struggle, and we withdraw from being ourselves. We’re overlooked for possible promotion and we either resign ourselves to staying in a career just for security, or regress in our ability to grow into the career we want.

We foster a “I don’t care” attitude, go through the motions day in, day out and sit unfulfilled and stuck.

How can we turn things around?

One sure way to start that is by paying attention to your internal self dialogue and practice the exchange of put downs to pull ups.

  • Accept yourself, likes, dislikes, fabulousness and flaws. You can improve the areas you don’t like about yourself, and that starts with self-acceptance not self-depreciation.
  • Apply self-care, you are the only person who will ever do the best job at personal care, and it’s the best remedy for self-neglect. Choose one area of your life that’s been neglected and begin to diligently introduce healthier care.

“the only way to increase self-acceptance is to decrease self-depreciation”

You can take a self-acceptance test here to help better assess where you’re at

I encourage you to begin today to embrace the gift of self acceptance and care, and experience the freeing and transforming changes you need in your personal and professional life.